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About Deviant TerriFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
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what a mess and many parts by tacdgb what a mess and many parts :icontacdgb:tacdgb 0 0

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tacdgb
Terri
United States
you've got to be kiding? right? So many parts. Some like music, classic rock and christian rock. some like baking, One is a hippy girl and another is a biker chick and loves to ride Dennis's motorcycle.
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In this journey of my life I have learned a lot about myself.  When I was a kid I loved to watch cartoons on tv. My favorite one was called Top Cat.  It was about a cat named Top Cat who lived in the alley with his friends.  They lived in a garbage can.  I always wondered why I liked that cartoon so much.  Well in therapy I learned that my dad would put me when I was little (4 and 5) in the garbage can with the trash right before the garbage men were coming on trash day.  It was a scary thought to be in there hearing the garbage truck backing up to dump the can with me in it.  It's a sad thought to know that my parents didn't even want me.  When I was in my mother's womb she drank a glass of bleach trying to abort me.  She told my dad several times that she wasn't happy to be having me.  My mother always called me "Daddy's little whore" as she caught him on top of me sexually abusing me and she did nothing about it.  My life has been such a rollercoaster of a ride. One hella of a ride to be exact.  So many emotional ups and downs.  I had one mental health doctor tell me that she didn't understand how I excaped a mental ward as she felt I needed to be in one.  My only therapist which I still have said at one time he was considering doing that. He said if we didn't work really hard on my issues I would have all kid alters and the adults would disappear so then I could not even function.  What a scary thought to be in a mental ward.  I've known someone who has been in one and it isn't pleasant.  I do know I could of not done any of this healing without Jesus.  I have learned too many scary things about my life I never knew existed.  Jesus helped me handle what I heard.  He got me through some really tough times and awful therapy sessions.   I have made so many attemps on my life.  Even during therapy I tried to take my own life by taking too many pills. I do know that for me therapy has been a long tough road. 10 years to be exact and I am not even done.  But I do know that it was so worth it.  I could not live that life any more.  I did things that I knew were harming me.  I would wake up in the morning with bite marks all along my arms.  I would get out the kitchen sharp kinves and try to cut myself.  I would also beat my head against the wall.  I even pointed a loaded gun at my head.  I was so unhappy living that life.  Now today I am in such an emotionally better place. But I do know that there is still work to be done.  Jesus is not finished with me yet.

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